Today I decided to write a bit about where I am in my life, inspired by a video talking about how we rarely share what we experience when we are inside a crisis, however, this is the moment where many of us are. It’s a good time for supporting each other and reminding ourselves and others that the crisis will come to an end one day.
For as long as I can remember, the wind has been my favourite element. I love standing at the top of a mountain when it is free to blow through the slopes. I like to watch the trees bend under its influence and feel its breeze on my face. It is the wind that brings energy, puts things into motion and refreshes in the heat. Of course, it can also be destructive and ruthless in its power, which inspires respect. The wind also brings changes. Jesus tells Nicodemus that “the wind blows where it wills, and you can hear the sound it makes, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes” (Jn 3,8). Therefore, these changes are often surprising and difficult for us.
Wind and spirit in Greek (pneuma) are the same word. No wonder that sometimes we feel as if the Holy Spirit is penetrating our souls, captivating us and throwing in different places in life. It’s easy to talk about it when you’ve already walked through the desert and have been lead to the Promised Land. However, it is more difficult when you feel that the desert is just beginning. It is a difficult path, because the goal seems to be unreachable, since it is completely invisible on the horizon, and at night you feel frightened because the sounds of wild animals resemble demons. At this moment, you have to trust God and your intuition. Today I am exactly at this point – nothing at all is known and it can be hard at times, but I can feel the breeze of the Spirit on my skin. And that has to be enough.
However, the desert is not only a place where you can hear wild animals and see sand to the horizon. It is also (or perhaps most of all) a place of meeting God. Tomorrow I am beginning my retreat (this time not directly in the desert, but at the foot of the Pyrenees) and I know that He will be talking to me. I doubt that he will draw me a new plan and show me where to go, but he will certainly provide me with water and food to keep me going.
I promise my prayers and ask for the same!